An Encounter

It was around 5:30. I was waiting for the bus or a cab towards airport eagerly. I was checking the time again and again as I needed to go to Airtel office. Suddenly I could see one young boy  was walking towards me; It seemed he was lost there. He was looking for help I guess .As he came near to me he just wanted to know, the address of RS softwares , as he could not locate it after a lot of roaming here and there.He also let me know that he was new in Kolkata and was not familiar with the routes and places of Kolkata

I directed him to RC and told him the route.

He took few steps and suddenly took a turn and asked me was that (RS softwares) too far and  again started conversing with me.

As our conversation continued he let me know that he was a BCA student of 2011 and in a need of a job urgently. He owed a handsome amount of loan from bank and he had to return the amount with a certain period or he would not be provided his certificate.

He also expressed how badly he needed a job, and how was he submitting his CV in the companies forcibly(The forced application) . But none could give a satisfactory response or a word of hope. He felt miserable.He also let me know that his family is not financially strong and can not afford the finance which is required to pay his debt to bank. He asked me whether I could help him out or could I provide him some kind of source in my company?

I was a bit puzzled actually as he owed a costly handset and was wearing stylish and trendy clothes. Nevertheless he did not look like a that poor and miserable one.

After some time he was insisting to give my mobile number, so that he can further contact me and incase I gain any news of vacancy then I could let him know.

Although I did not agree to provide my mobile number but yes I have provided my gmail id and he told that he would send me the CV as early as possible incase I can help him.

 On my way to home, at the bus, I was consumed with the thought of the boy, how miserable he was , how poor he was..I felt so sad as I knew that ,I could not help him out in any way and was pondering in my mind whether I could ask someone to help him out to find a job.. Even I started thinking about the imbalance in distribution of money and was wondering how some are born so lucky and some are really less lucky. The thought actually saddened my mood for that dayL.

Ohh forgot to say that after this conversation also I did not know his name , actually I forgot to ask .

Just on the following day I got a mail from some Raghav thanking me for my help to spot the RS Softwares and in the mail he also written how he wanted to make  a friendship with me, as he knows no one  reliable in Kolkata. I could understand who Raghav was and I felt something fishy here, as neither there was CV attached nor he mentioned it. Rather his was curious about my hobbies., my past time, my home details…

 I was just thinking to reply to his mail suddenly due to some impulse, I thought of checking his mail id in Google and tried my luck to see whether  I could find any evidence of him or not.

As I tried to search any result with his mail id I got couple of results , and those results showed something strange  and related with gigolo ( ohh yes and he is not new in Kolkata either).

After reading some of the content I could guess something was wrong with the boy But I was not sure as I did not know the meaning of Gigolo till then.

I searched again in Google 'What is Gigolo ?' and found a long list of results. This made all the things clear  ... And I felt so surprised and it seemed unbelievable.

Such a young boy( think – he has just passed BCA ), such an innocent face . How could I make such mistakes in spotting people??

GOD and the poor innocent boy for whom I felt such sympathy, misery just yesterday became an object of anguish and disgust today. I have to say my impulse was right at that moment . :)

Life Happens

Every time when you leave someone behind or someone decides to quit on you, things don’t remain the same anymore. There is always a change - may be sometimes there is a major change, sometimes this is a minor one which you eventually brush off. All the changes are not bad too.
Whether you miss the people in your life or not , they change you in a certain way and sometimes they come back to you in pieces later in life, may be years after they have gone. Some come back in dreams, some in some unexpected way, others in some place, and some one come back through the occasions or something else.
Life is not s disaster ,sometimes it is a slow torture. It kicks you hard although you are down, may be it kicks you , and bashes you and breaks your bone. But suddenly when the life seems to be unending dark without a single ray of hope and you eventually think that you cannot go any longer and you give up, life takes surprising turn and brings you flowers and heal your wounds to let you stand on your feet . And most importantly it happens once when you just don’t take any ownership of your own and just let go the outcome and go with the flow of life. The situation is nothing new , a lot of persons might have experienced that .

The Recurring Dream

Well so last night I had again the same confounding and disturbing dream. The same dream  kept coming back to me repeatedly after 1-2 month. 
Although it is a recurring dream but every time the pattern is little bit different. It varies every time. :D
The dreams subject is always about failure but may be the causes are different.
Well the dream is that I have an important exam to appear. But every time I just see I am failing in the exam badly.:(
Last day in my dream I just managed to secure a mere 18 out of 100. ( where the passing grade is 40).
Sometimes I experience like I am an HS candidate , have a lot of syllabi to complete , but I have not yet managed to learn the 1/20th.
Sometimes I see myself as a college student and sometimes even as a 10th candidate.
Well the patterns are :-
1. I open the question paper. I read the first question and started freaking out as have never heard anything related to the question too.
2. I went to the exam centre and found out that I was in the wrong test centre much after when I did not have time to go back to the right centre .
3. I missed the exam for noting down the wrong routine.
4. Prepared for another paper instead of the correct one.
5. I had a dream where I  arrived late for an exam, and could not find the location of the exam room . I was lost in the large college building.
6.  And the most common pattern , where I had nothing to answer , I found myself not at all prepared for the exam and was wandering in the dream about what the hell was I doing for the 6 months instead of studying and preparing for the exam ?


So wandering about why so many years after sitting exams at college or school, do I dream about having to sit for one?


May be these stressors, the exam room, the ticking clock, the exam papers…..all these memories lie asleep in our subconscious mind somewhere flooding back to us in a sea of anxiety.
May be we are just not aware of it consciously but in our subconscious mind it is there yet.
Wandering do any other people face this kind of experience ?

A Hug

Sometimes that is what actually you need to face a fear and to really make it alright again… A Hug :)

Sometimes when someone hug you and tells you that everything is going to be alright again, it is quite possible that even they don’t know what you are going through and their hug will not take away the pain too. Once you are done with that hug and continue to talking to them, they will also go back to their lives and you know the problems will still be there. You will still be the one left here to face the challenges and difficulties of the life alone and yeah the nightmares will come again.

So telling someone that everything is going to be fine does not make it fine but yes, it makes all the wrong thing seem not so wrong more at least for some moments.

For just few moments you feel better.

I believe the best solution is to hug, and then try to peel off the shield around the depressed one and try to find out what is wrong and then try to advice and find out a solution if possible. It works wonders. For both of them. To know that you have helped someone, and that the someone is now a little less depressed only because of you J

A thing Beyond Forever

"What happens when life plays a trick on two innocent lovers? What happens when your first love – much against all possibilities – comes back to you in the most bizarre and astounding manifestation ever?"

I have to just say it is by far the best novel I have ever read, it is simple amazing, outstanding and touched my heart.... it depicts a pure form of love which remains even after death.. there is suspense, theme, romance, adventure,... and everything that is required 4 a good novel.. it is a must-read for every novel reader...
I find myself so lucky to read that book......I would like to thank the author from the bottom of my heart for creating such a wonderful piece of art..... :)
It is a perfect epitome of true love..
A really sweet and nice story which gently explores the idea of reincarnation and that true love is above the bounds of time..
it beautifully explores all the emotions we go through our adolescence.. attraction for one, love for another.. extent to which v go to make that person ours... its a really touching story with a shocking climax and has burned a firm impression on my mind that it is impossible to forget our first love..
It has actually made me think if I am also somebody's reincarnation...LOLS :D somebody's first love... who is trying to get to me through the bounds of time... and bounds of life and death..
No wonder he said that  "some one some where is waiting for you.. dreams of you and loves you."

Celebrating a death

Osama Bin laden is killed, killed finally after 10 yrs of waiting for “The justice”…
The killing of Osama Bin laden is celebrated enthusiastically throughout America and also in the other parts of world. But if someone says that the merriment is out of order will it sound heresy ??
Nonetheless I am saying..Because I am wanting to say to get a grip celebrators..Have we lost all decency ?
I do understand how those who have suffered from the events of 9/11 may feel relieved,  happy, for the justice -- and I don't quarrel with such feelings and emotions .We can do nothing about fellings. feelings are feelings. If you feel joyful, you feel joyful.
But celebration is not in order, no matter what your feelings of elation are.
"Celebrating" the killing of any member of our species ,to celebrate the killing of a life, any life, is a failure to honor life's inherent holiness.
But people will argue that Osama bin Laden did not respect the sanctity of others' lives.
But does it matter ?
One aspect of being human is our ability to choose our own behavior; more specifically, our capacity to return good for evil, love for hate, dignity for indignity. A response to his killing can be many more tragedies , as well as the violent deaths of thousands in the attempt to eliminate him from the face of the Earth
It is hard not to think that some of the impulse to celebrate "justice being done" also contain a certain pleasure in revenge .The world is not safer with Osama bin Laden's violent demise  ast e threat levels are going up, not down, so no cause for celebration there; as violence and evil has not been finally removed from the Earth, so no reason for jubilation on that count. The War on Terror goes on, so there is no closure in that regard.
The truth is that "celebrating justice" when one person is killed --  only incites further desire for revenge, which, from "the other side's" viewpoint, is usually called "justice."
Think of it. We will only have peace when we stop the cycle of jubilation over acts of violence.
Who will stop the cycle? If not us, who? If not you and I, who will it be ?

Rejection hurts

It is one of the greatest fears, a fear which can have a very damaging impact on us.
Mostly when dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, low, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self esteem and want to crawl into our shell until we feel confident again. We may do something extroversive instead, something to rebound to exact some form of revenge . But no matter how we react, no matter who we are, the fact is being rejected hurts.
Most people like being in love, they like to be liked and appreciated by others.
Although some of the people will always say that they don’t care what the other people thinks about them, whether the other people are approving the act or not but the fact remains that almost all of us are afraid of being rejected and sometimes we struggle to handle the pain of being rejected. And the severity of the pain ofcourse varies with person to person.
Rejection comes in many forms. It can be like a partner being unfaithful to a loved one or someone moving out and calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone forgetting about an important occasions. Someone forgets to return the call. 
Rejection can be a date who doesn't show up or a date who says that they don't want to take things further.
The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected, we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves. But the best thing we can do is to face reality and move on.
Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with your hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don't want to be involved with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected.
Maybe it's the way you look, maybe it was your lack of this and that :) , your shape or your  height.
Your big  hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted, the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection.
You wonder yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process.
The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us from making the next. It stops us from approaching another person we really like. If rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. 
But again sometimes it takes unusually long to gain back the confidence and to get out of the self created shell.