Rejection hurts

It is one of the greatest fears, a fear which can have a very damaging impact on us.
Mostly when dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, low, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self esteem and want to crawl into our shell until we feel confident again. We may do something extroversive instead, something to rebound to exact some form of revenge . But no matter how we react, no matter who we are, the fact is being rejected hurts.
Most people like being in love, they like to be liked and appreciated by others.
Although some of the people will always say that they don’t care what the other people thinks about them, whether the other people are approving the act or not but the fact remains that almost all of us are afraid of being rejected and sometimes we struggle to handle the pain of being rejected. And the severity of the pain ofcourse varies with person to person.
Rejection comes in many forms. It can be like a partner being unfaithful to a loved one or someone moving out and calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone forgetting about an important occasions. Someone forgets to return the call. 
Rejection can be a date who doesn't show up or a date who says that they don't want to take things further.
The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected, we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves. But the best thing we can do is to face reality and move on.
Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with your hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don't want to be involved with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected.
Maybe it's the way you look, maybe it was your lack of this and that :) , your shape or your  height.
Your big  hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted, the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection.
You wonder yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process.
The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us from making the next. It stops us from approaching another person we really like. If rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. 
But again sometimes it takes unusually long to gain back the confidence and to get out of the self created shell.

Out of sight, out of mind

Hey how are you ? Where have you been?
It has been quite a long time.
What do you do now? Where do you work ?
Are you married? Do you have kids of your own?
Who else among our common friends have you been in touch with since the last time we saw each other?
Whom did u meet last from our common friends? What’s new buddy ?? and it goes on and on….

These are among some of the questions people ask you when they have not seen u for a long time .
As you read this, you will agree with me that some people haven’t seen you for 1, 2 ,5 years, and probably for 10 years. Some looked for you after you left the scene and found you almost immediately, and are still in touch with you. Some right now remember you and are still thinking about you, but have no plans to look for you in future also because they have gone far away.
And now today when I am writing this blog I feel sad, very sad and this thought makes me sad that they are lost.
I am not  among those who claim to have 200 friends, or among those who claim to have less but quality friends. But I am among those who are rather unlucky in making and keeping friends.
Now when I analyze this lack of fortune of mine  I find a lot of faults .
One thing that I have noticed is a lot of the catty behavior with women. I honestly can't stand getting bored into superficial gossiping or the competitive things women do with each other. Because of these things, I find myself at odds with women. Again It is not that all of the women fall in the same category though.
In spite of that there were some who became close to me in the course of time. But still I guess not close enough to bear the tear of time and distance.
Now I had also a very close friend in the college days. I guess she had grown a mere admiration for me. Most of the times she was fill of appreciative words like how intelligent I was, that no one in our department can compete with me, that only if I could use my potential I would reach here and there :)
In the course of time she moved to some distant city to pursue higher studies. Initially all the things were great, she called me up and I used to call her. But  after some months it reduced to weekly call, after some months it became monthly one. And then I think after some time ego got their place and played it’s role. Now every time I wanted to contact her I could not help the thought that last time also it was me who called up first, why not she this time ??
and after some wait the thought itself started to fade away from my mind. Neither the call came and neither I remembered to call.
After some days I think she moved away, and she also stopped returning my calls.
Some of others became too busy with their life, too much engaged with their new job and new relationships.
Some became too busy to receive calls and most of the time I called up was not the best time to talk to . As they have also peculiar work schedule like me I had to call them after 11 at night or at the weekends. But either I could find that he was travelling or he had gone out for a movie and the time was not just appropriate.
After some time the patience and the conscious effort to maintain the distant friendship gone away.

Everyone has their different agenda. Most of the time, if you're feeling unappreciated by a friend, over and over, it's time to let them go and move on.
Now I think it's normal - moving to the distant place causes that relationship becomes weaker. The solution is to make conscious effort to maintain it. But both sides should do it, but sometimes one of them doesn't do it (for many valid reasons of course). So then, if this relationship is important to you, you have to take action.

it may just be the old adage "Out of sight, out of mind," proving to be true. I personally find it very much to be true…although sad :(

Conflicting desires

Sometimes I rather feel wondered at my desires which are rather conflicting at the same time.
I might desire a piece of chocolate cake, but at the same time I desire that I didn't desire it. This capacity to reflect on our desires and to have "second-order" desires raises the issue of weakness of will .
Today there is a lot of work to do .Two new developments have been assigned, One object needs to be tested, and 10 calls need to be solved.
Although I have resolved all of the 10 calls today , but still a lot is pending to do. But my  1st order desire is stopping me :D
1st order desire: I desire to put off work to relax and rest today. (I don't want to work today.)
2nd order desire: I desire not to desire relaxing now because I have work that I intended to do. (I wish I wasn't so procrastinator today.)
These conflicts in our desire is very common.
During the lunch time my 1st order desire always suggest me to order that dessert, but at the same time I desire not to desire that dessert … :D
Although both these are raised by us , but surely I believe that the 1st desire usually depicts our true self, that depicts our free will.
And what about the second conflicting one ??
It surely raised from the beliefs and ideas we have formed till the date , it is that “Super Ego” which is the perfectionist.

First day at college :)

Actually I started this writing to express my thoughts about my college life.I can still remember the first day at college. Almost all were the new faces..The all young enthusiastic although all seemed to be little bit afraid. That day we just had 1 class and remaining 7 hours was for ragging :)

suddenly and we are ready to be ragged. Here I want to say that I am not against ragging until it comes to physical harassment or until it cross the limit. Now again what is the limit is actually a relative matter.

We were sitting in the class room when seniors entered

That very day we came to know the term ‘GD’ and discovered that it means "Gano Dholai" :D

Seniors just rushed in the class and punched all the boys on their back one by one.

Ohh what a horrible experience was that. I can still remember one of my batch mate hiding himself in the girls side under the bench. :P.

And we have been given a dress code by seniors also that day:
The boys :
White Shirt , Black Pant with No belt else it will be strapped to neck like a dog and Hawaii Chappals .Moreover you cannot bring the school bag , you have to carry all the thing in a polythene pack.

And we girls were allowed to wear simplest salwar suit J although we were allowed to bring our bag.

We were given instructions not to visit canteen ever in the first year and to bring food from home. L

And we were also instructed to bow our head at 90 degrees whenever we see a senior and then wish them J

And then started the long journey of being ragged almost for 1 year. Although we the girls were not physically ragged or harassed like the boys.

We used to come to college by the college bus.

And the bus was packed with the seniors.

As the days passed the teachers and the anti raging committee got strict and they had no option left than using the bus journey time which took almost 1 hour.

The senior dadas used to ask to perform to do different things to perform. And the boys used to do it with the full energy :);)

Someone danced in that running bus (that was horrible of course), Proposed at least 3 girls on his knee .

Someone even proposed me although virtually (not in real life till now L ), I was even married to a boy virtually (He just got married some days back) and lot of things that were actually well-known for ragging.

Although that time the whole experience felt like a bad dream and little bit painful and sometimes humiliating too , but now when I look back on those days it really feels pleasurable.

And most wondrous thing is that the seniors who used to rag us those actually became the most interacted till now. Even now we are in contact with them and laugh all together on those days :)