Life Happens

Every time when you leave someone behind or someone decides to quit on you, things don’t remain the same anymore. There is always a change - may be sometimes there is a major change, sometimes this is a minor one which you eventually brush off. All the changes are not bad too.
Whether you miss the people in your life or not , they change you in a certain way and sometimes they come back to you in pieces later in life, may be years after they have gone. Some come back in dreams, some in some unexpected way, others in some place, and some one come back through the occasions or something else.
Life is not s disaster ,sometimes it is a slow torture. It kicks you hard although you are down, may be it kicks you , and bashes you and breaks your bone. But suddenly when the life seems to be unending dark without a single ray of hope and you eventually think that you cannot go any longer and you give up, life takes surprising turn and brings you flowers and heal your wounds to let you stand on your feet . And most importantly it happens once when you just don’t take any ownership of your own and just let go the outcome and go with the flow of life. The situation is nothing new , a lot of persons might have experienced that .

The Recurring Dream

Well so last night I had again the same confounding and disturbing dream. The same dream  kept coming back to me repeatedly after 1-2 month. 
Although it is a recurring dream but every time the pattern is little bit different. It varies every time. :D
The dreams subject is always about failure but may be the causes are different.
Well the dream is that I have an important exam to appear. But every time I just see I am failing in the exam badly.:(
Last day in my dream I just managed to secure a mere 18 out of 100. ( where the passing grade is 40).
Sometimes I experience like I am an HS candidate , have a lot of syllabi to complete , but I have not yet managed to learn the 1/20th.
Sometimes I see myself as a college student and sometimes even as a 10th candidate.
Well the patterns are :-
1. I open the question paper. I read the first question and started freaking out as have never heard anything related to the question too.
2. I went to the exam centre and found out that I was in the wrong test centre much after when I did not have time to go back to the right centre .
3. I missed the exam for noting down the wrong routine.
4. Prepared for another paper instead of the correct one.
5. I had a dream where I  arrived late for an exam, and could not find the location of the exam room . I was lost in the large college building.
6.  And the most common pattern , where I had nothing to answer , I found myself not at all prepared for the exam and was wandering in the dream about what the hell was I doing for the 6 months instead of studying and preparing for the exam ?


So wandering about why so many years after sitting exams at college or school, do I dream about having to sit for one?


May be these stressors, the exam room, the ticking clock, the exam papers…..all these memories lie asleep in our subconscious mind somewhere flooding back to us in a sea of anxiety.
May be we are just not aware of it consciously but in our subconscious mind it is there yet.
Wandering do any other people face this kind of experience ?

A Hug

Sometimes that is what actually you need to face a fear and to really make it alright again… A Hug :)

Sometimes when someone hug you and tells you that everything is going to be alright again, it is quite possible that even they don’t know what you are going through and their hug will not take away the pain too. Once you are done with that hug and continue to talking to them, they will also go back to their lives and you know the problems will still be there. You will still be the one left here to face the challenges and difficulties of the life alone and yeah the nightmares will come again.

So telling someone that everything is going to be fine does not make it fine but yes, it makes all the wrong thing seem not so wrong more at least for some moments.

For just few moments you feel better.

I believe the best solution is to hug, and then try to peel off the shield around the depressed one and try to find out what is wrong and then try to advice and find out a solution if possible. It works wonders. For both of them. To know that you have helped someone, and that the someone is now a little less depressed only because of you J

A thing Beyond Forever

"What happens when life plays a trick on two innocent lovers? What happens when your first love – much against all possibilities – comes back to you in the most bizarre and astounding manifestation ever?"

I have to just say it is by far the best novel I have ever read, it is simple amazing, outstanding and touched my heart.... it depicts a pure form of love which remains even after death.. there is suspense, theme, romance, adventure,... and everything that is required 4 a good novel.. it is a must-read for every novel reader...
I find myself so lucky to read that book......I would like to thank the author from the bottom of my heart for creating such a wonderful piece of art..... :)
It is a perfect epitome of true love..
A really sweet and nice story which gently explores the idea of reincarnation and that true love is above the bounds of time..
it beautifully explores all the emotions we go through our adolescence.. attraction for one, love for another.. extent to which v go to make that person ours... its a really touching story with a shocking climax and has burned a firm impression on my mind that it is impossible to forget our first love..
It has actually made me think if I am also somebody's reincarnation...LOLS :D somebody's first love... who is trying to get to me through the bounds of time... and bounds of life and death..
No wonder he said that  "some one some where is waiting for you.. dreams of you and loves you."

Celebrating a death

Osama Bin laden is killed, killed finally after 10 yrs of waiting for “The justice”…
The killing of Osama Bin laden is celebrated enthusiastically throughout America and also in the other parts of world. But if someone says that the merriment is out of order will it sound heresy ??
Nonetheless I am saying..Because I am wanting to say to get a grip celebrators..Have we lost all decency ?
I do understand how those who have suffered from the events of 9/11 may feel relieved,  happy, for the justice -- and I don't quarrel with such feelings and emotions .We can do nothing about fellings. feelings are feelings. If you feel joyful, you feel joyful.
But celebration is not in order, no matter what your feelings of elation are.
"Celebrating" the killing of any member of our species ,to celebrate the killing of a life, any life, is a failure to honor life's inherent holiness.
But people will argue that Osama bin Laden did not respect the sanctity of others' lives.
But does it matter ?
One aspect of being human is our ability to choose our own behavior; more specifically, our capacity to return good for evil, love for hate, dignity for indignity. A response to his killing can be many more tragedies , as well as the violent deaths of thousands in the attempt to eliminate him from the face of the Earth
It is hard not to think that some of the impulse to celebrate "justice being done" also contain a certain pleasure in revenge .The world is not safer with Osama bin Laden's violent demise  ast e threat levels are going up, not down, so no cause for celebration there; as violence and evil has not been finally removed from the Earth, so no reason for jubilation on that count. The War on Terror goes on, so there is no closure in that regard.
The truth is that "celebrating justice" when one person is killed --  only incites further desire for revenge, which, from "the other side's" viewpoint, is usually called "justice."
Think of it. We will only have peace when we stop the cycle of jubilation over acts of violence.
Who will stop the cycle? If not us, who? If not you and I, who will it be ?

Rejection hurts

It is one of the greatest fears, a fear which can have a very damaging impact on us.
Mostly when dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, low, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self esteem and want to crawl into our shell until we feel confident again. We may do something extroversive instead, something to rebound to exact some form of revenge . But no matter how we react, no matter who we are, the fact is being rejected hurts.
Most people like being in love, they like to be liked and appreciated by others.
Although some of the people will always say that they don’t care what the other people thinks about them, whether the other people are approving the act or not but the fact remains that almost all of us are afraid of being rejected and sometimes we struggle to handle the pain of being rejected. And the severity of the pain ofcourse varies with person to person.
Rejection comes in many forms. It can be like a partner being unfaithful to a loved one or someone moving out and calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone forgetting about an important occasions. Someone forgets to return the call. 
Rejection can be a date who doesn't show up or a date who says that they don't want to take things further.
The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected, we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves. But the best thing we can do is to face reality and move on.
Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with your hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don't want to be involved with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected.
Maybe it's the way you look, maybe it was your lack of this and that :) , your shape or your  height.
Your big  hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted, the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection.
You wonder yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process.
The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us from making the next. It stops us from approaching another person we really like. If rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. 
But again sometimes it takes unusually long to gain back the confidence and to get out of the self created shell.

Out of sight, out of mind

Hey how are you ? Where have you been?
It has been quite a long time.
What do you do now? Where do you work ?
Are you married? Do you have kids of your own?
Who else among our common friends have you been in touch with since the last time we saw each other?
Whom did u meet last from our common friends? What’s new buddy ?? and it goes on and on….

These are among some of the questions people ask you when they have not seen u for a long time .
As you read this, you will agree with me that some people haven’t seen you for 1, 2 ,5 years, and probably for 10 years. Some looked for you after you left the scene and found you almost immediately, and are still in touch with you. Some right now remember you and are still thinking about you, but have no plans to look for you in future also because they have gone far away.
And now today when I am writing this blog I feel sad, very sad and this thought makes me sad that they are lost.
I am not  among those who claim to have 200 friends, or among those who claim to have less but quality friends. But I am among those who are rather unlucky in making and keeping friends.
Now when I analyze this lack of fortune of mine  I find a lot of faults .
One thing that I have noticed is a lot of the catty behavior with women. I honestly can't stand getting bored into superficial gossiping or the competitive things women do with each other. Because of these things, I find myself at odds with women. Again It is not that all of the women fall in the same category though.
In spite of that there were some who became close to me in the course of time. But still I guess not close enough to bear the tear of time and distance.
Now I had also a very close friend in the college days. I guess she had grown a mere admiration for me. Most of the times she was fill of appreciative words like how intelligent I was, that no one in our department can compete with me, that only if I could use my potential I would reach here and there :)
In the course of time she moved to some distant city to pursue higher studies. Initially all the things were great, she called me up and I used to call her. But  after some months it reduced to weekly call, after some months it became monthly one. And then I think after some time ego got their place and played it’s role. Now every time I wanted to contact her I could not help the thought that last time also it was me who called up first, why not she this time ??
and after some wait the thought itself started to fade away from my mind. Neither the call came and neither I remembered to call.
After some days I think she moved away, and she also stopped returning my calls.
Some of others became too busy with their life, too much engaged with their new job and new relationships.
Some became too busy to receive calls and most of the time I called up was not the best time to talk to . As they have also peculiar work schedule like me I had to call them after 11 at night or at the weekends. But either I could find that he was travelling or he had gone out for a movie and the time was not just appropriate.
After some time the patience and the conscious effort to maintain the distant friendship gone away.

Everyone has their different agenda. Most of the time, if you're feeling unappreciated by a friend, over and over, it's time to let them go and move on.
Now I think it's normal - moving to the distant place causes that relationship becomes weaker. The solution is to make conscious effort to maintain it. But both sides should do it, but sometimes one of them doesn't do it (for many valid reasons of course). So then, if this relationship is important to you, you have to take action.

it may just be the old adage "Out of sight, out of mind," proving to be true. I personally find it very much to be true…although sad :(