An Encounter

It was around 5:30. I was waiting for the bus or a cab towards airport eagerly. I was checking the time again and again as I needed to go to Airtel office. Suddenly I could see one young boy  was walking towards me; It seemed he was lost there. He was looking for help I guess .As he came near to me he just wanted to know, the address of RS softwares , as he could not locate it after a lot of roaming here and there.He also let me know that he was new in Kolkata and was not familiar with the routes and places of Kolkata

I directed him to RC and told him the route.

He took few steps and suddenly took a turn and asked me was that (RS softwares) too far and  again started conversing with me.

As our conversation continued he let me know that he was a BCA student of 2011 and in a need of a job urgently. He owed a handsome amount of loan from bank and he had to return the amount with a certain period or he would not be provided his certificate.

He also expressed how badly he needed a job, and how was he submitting his CV in the companies forcibly(The forced application) . But none could give a satisfactory response or a word of hope. He felt miserable.He also let me know that his family is not financially strong and can not afford the finance which is required to pay his debt to bank. He asked me whether I could help him out or could I provide him some kind of source in my company?

I was a bit puzzled actually as he owed a costly handset and was wearing stylish and trendy clothes. Nevertheless he did not look like a that poor and miserable one.

After some time he was insisting to give my mobile number, so that he can further contact me and incase I gain any news of vacancy then I could let him know.

Although I did not agree to provide my mobile number but yes I have provided my gmail id and he told that he would send me the CV as early as possible incase I can help him.

 On my way to home, at the bus, I was consumed with the thought of the boy, how miserable he was , how poor he was..I felt so sad as I knew that ,I could not help him out in any way and was pondering in my mind whether I could ask someone to help him out to find a job.. Even I started thinking about the imbalance in distribution of money and was wondering how some are born so lucky and some are really less lucky. The thought actually saddened my mood for that dayL.

Ohh forgot to say that after this conversation also I did not know his name , actually I forgot to ask .

Just on the following day I got a mail from some Raghav thanking me for my help to spot the RS Softwares and in the mail he also written how he wanted to make  a friendship with me, as he knows no one  reliable in Kolkata. I could understand who Raghav was and I felt something fishy here, as neither there was CV attached nor he mentioned it. Rather his was curious about my hobbies., my past time, my home details…

 I was just thinking to reply to his mail suddenly due to some impulse, I thought of checking his mail id in Google and tried my luck to see whether  I could find any evidence of him or not.

As I tried to search any result with his mail id I got couple of results , and those results showed something strange  and related with gigolo ( ohh yes and he is not new in Kolkata either).

After reading some of the content I could guess something was wrong with the boy But I was not sure as I did not know the meaning of Gigolo till then.

I searched again in Google 'What is Gigolo ?' and found a long list of results. This made all the things clear  ... And I felt so surprised and it seemed unbelievable.

Such a young boy( think – he has just passed BCA ), such an innocent face . How could I make such mistakes in spotting people??

GOD and the poor innocent boy for whom I felt such sympathy, misery just yesterday became an object of anguish and disgust today. I have to say my impulse was right at that moment . :)

Life Happens

Every time when you leave someone behind or someone decides to quit on you, things don’t remain the same anymore. There is always a change - may be sometimes there is a major change, sometimes this is a minor one which you eventually brush off. All the changes are not bad too.
Whether you miss the people in your life or not , they change you in a certain way and sometimes they come back to you in pieces later in life, may be years after they have gone. Some come back in dreams, some in some unexpected way, others in some place, and some one come back through the occasions or something else.
Life is not s disaster ,sometimes it is a slow torture. It kicks you hard although you are down, may be it kicks you , and bashes you and breaks your bone. But suddenly when the life seems to be unending dark without a single ray of hope and you eventually think that you cannot go any longer and you give up, life takes surprising turn and brings you flowers and heal your wounds to let you stand on your feet . And most importantly it happens once when you just don’t take any ownership of your own and just let go the outcome and go with the flow of life. The situation is nothing new , a lot of persons might have experienced that .

The Recurring Dream

Well so last night I had again the same confounding and disturbing dream. The same dream  kept coming back to me repeatedly after 1-2 month. 
Although it is a recurring dream but every time the pattern is little bit different. It varies every time. :D
The dreams subject is always about failure but may be the causes are different.
Well the dream is that I have an important exam to appear. But every time I just see I am failing in the exam badly.:(
Last day in my dream I just managed to secure a mere 18 out of 100. ( where the passing grade is 40).
Sometimes I experience like I am an HS candidate , have a lot of syllabi to complete , but I have not yet managed to learn the 1/20th.
Sometimes I see myself as a college student and sometimes even as a 10th candidate.
Well the patterns are :-
1. I open the question paper. I read the first question and started freaking out as have never heard anything related to the question too.
2. I went to the exam centre and found out that I was in the wrong test centre much after when I did not have time to go back to the right centre .
3. I missed the exam for noting down the wrong routine.
4. Prepared for another paper instead of the correct one.
5. I had a dream where I  arrived late for an exam, and could not find the location of the exam room . I was lost in the large college building.
6.  And the most common pattern , where I had nothing to answer , I found myself not at all prepared for the exam and was wandering in the dream about what the hell was I doing for the 6 months instead of studying and preparing for the exam ?


So wandering about why so many years after sitting exams at college or school, do I dream about having to sit for one?


May be these stressors, the exam room, the ticking clock, the exam papers…..all these memories lie asleep in our subconscious mind somewhere flooding back to us in a sea of anxiety.
May be we are just not aware of it consciously but in our subconscious mind it is there yet.
Wandering do any other people face this kind of experience ?

A Hug

Sometimes that is what actually you need to face a fear and to really make it alright again… A Hug :)

Sometimes when someone hug you and tells you that everything is going to be alright again, it is quite possible that even they don’t know what you are going through and their hug will not take away the pain too. Once you are done with that hug and continue to talking to them, they will also go back to their lives and you know the problems will still be there. You will still be the one left here to face the challenges and difficulties of the life alone and yeah the nightmares will come again.

So telling someone that everything is going to be fine does not make it fine but yes, it makes all the wrong thing seem not so wrong more at least for some moments.

For just few moments you feel better.

I believe the best solution is to hug, and then try to peel off the shield around the depressed one and try to find out what is wrong and then try to advice and find out a solution if possible. It works wonders. For both of them. To know that you have helped someone, and that the someone is now a little less depressed only because of you J

A thing Beyond Forever

"What happens when life plays a trick on two innocent lovers? What happens when your first love – much against all possibilities – comes back to you in the most bizarre and astounding manifestation ever?"

I have to just say it is by far the best novel I have ever read, it is simple amazing, outstanding and touched my heart.... it depicts a pure form of love which remains even after death.. there is suspense, theme, romance, adventure,... and everything that is required 4 a good novel.. it is a must-read for every novel reader...
I find myself so lucky to read that book......I would like to thank the author from the bottom of my heart for creating such a wonderful piece of art..... :)
It is a perfect epitome of true love..
A really sweet and nice story which gently explores the idea of reincarnation and that true love is above the bounds of time..
it beautifully explores all the emotions we go through our adolescence.. attraction for one, love for another.. extent to which v go to make that person ours... its a really touching story with a shocking climax and has burned a firm impression on my mind that it is impossible to forget our first love..
It has actually made me think if I am also somebody's reincarnation...LOLS :D somebody's first love... who is trying to get to me through the bounds of time... and bounds of life and death..
No wonder he said that  "some one some where is waiting for you.. dreams of you and loves you."

Celebrating a death

Osama Bin laden is killed, killed finally after 10 yrs of waiting for “The justice”…
The killing of Osama Bin laden is celebrated enthusiastically throughout America and also in the other parts of world. But if someone says that the merriment is out of order will it sound heresy ??
Nonetheless I am saying..Because I am wanting to say to get a grip celebrators..Have we lost all decency ?
I do understand how those who have suffered from the events of 9/11 may feel relieved,  happy, for the justice -- and I don't quarrel with such feelings and emotions .We can do nothing about fellings. feelings are feelings. If you feel joyful, you feel joyful.
But celebration is not in order, no matter what your feelings of elation are.
"Celebrating" the killing of any member of our species ,to celebrate the killing of a life, any life, is a failure to honor life's inherent holiness.
But people will argue that Osama bin Laden did not respect the sanctity of others' lives.
But does it matter ?
One aspect of being human is our ability to choose our own behavior; more specifically, our capacity to return good for evil, love for hate, dignity for indignity. A response to his killing can be many more tragedies , as well as the violent deaths of thousands in the attempt to eliminate him from the face of the Earth
It is hard not to think that some of the impulse to celebrate "justice being done" also contain a certain pleasure in revenge .The world is not safer with Osama bin Laden's violent demise  ast e threat levels are going up, not down, so no cause for celebration there; as violence and evil has not been finally removed from the Earth, so no reason for jubilation on that count. The War on Terror goes on, so there is no closure in that regard.
The truth is that "celebrating justice" when one person is killed --  only incites further desire for revenge, which, from "the other side's" viewpoint, is usually called "justice."
Think of it. We will only have peace when we stop the cycle of jubilation over acts of violence.
Who will stop the cycle? If not us, who? If not you and I, who will it be ?

Rejection hurts

It is one of the greatest fears, a fear which can have a very damaging impact on us.
Mostly when dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, low, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self esteem and want to crawl into our shell until we feel confident again. We may do something extroversive instead, something to rebound to exact some form of revenge . But no matter how we react, no matter who we are, the fact is being rejected hurts.
Most people like being in love, they like to be liked and appreciated by others.
Although some of the people will always say that they don’t care what the other people thinks about them, whether the other people are approving the act or not but the fact remains that almost all of us are afraid of being rejected and sometimes we struggle to handle the pain of being rejected. And the severity of the pain ofcourse varies with person to person.
Rejection comes in many forms. It can be like a partner being unfaithful to a loved one or someone moving out and calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone forgetting about an important occasions. Someone forgets to return the call. 
Rejection can be a date who doesn't show up or a date who says that they don't want to take things further.
The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected, we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves. But the best thing we can do is to face reality and move on.
Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with your hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don't want to be involved with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected.
Maybe it's the way you look, maybe it was your lack of this and that :) , your shape or your  height.
Your big  hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted, the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection.
You wonder yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process.
The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us from making the next. It stops us from approaching another person we really like. If rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. 
But again sometimes it takes unusually long to gain back the confidence and to get out of the self created shell.

Out of sight, out of mind

Hey how are you ? Where have you been?
It has been quite a long time.
What do you do now? Where do you work ?
Are you married? Do you have kids of your own?
Who else among our common friends have you been in touch with since the last time we saw each other?
Whom did u meet last from our common friends? What’s new buddy ?? and it goes on and on….

These are among some of the questions people ask you when they have not seen u for a long time .
As you read this, you will agree with me that some people haven’t seen you for 1, 2 ,5 years, and probably for 10 years. Some looked for you after you left the scene and found you almost immediately, and are still in touch with you. Some right now remember you and are still thinking about you, but have no plans to look for you in future also because they have gone far away.
And now today when I am writing this blog I feel sad, very sad and this thought makes me sad that they are lost.
I am not  among those who claim to have 200 friends, or among those who claim to have less but quality friends. But I am among those who are rather unlucky in making and keeping friends.
Now when I analyze this lack of fortune of mine  I find a lot of faults .
One thing that I have noticed is a lot of the catty behavior with women. I honestly can't stand getting bored into superficial gossiping or the competitive things women do with each other. Because of these things, I find myself at odds with women. Again It is not that all of the women fall in the same category though.
In spite of that there were some who became close to me in the course of time. But still I guess not close enough to bear the tear of time and distance.
Now I had also a very close friend in the college days. I guess she had grown a mere admiration for me. Most of the times she was fill of appreciative words like how intelligent I was, that no one in our department can compete with me, that only if I could use my potential I would reach here and there :)
In the course of time she moved to some distant city to pursue higher studies. Initially all the things were great, she called me up and I used to call her. But  after some months it reduced to weekly call, after some months it became monthly one. And then I think after some time ego got their place and played it’s role. Now every time I wanted to contact her I could not help the thought that last time also it was me who called up first, why not she this time ??
and after some wait the thought itself started to fade away from my mind. Neither the call came and neither I remembered to call.
After some days I think she moved away, and she also stopped returning my calls.
Some of others became too busy with their life, too much engaged with their new job and new relationships.
Some became too busy to receive calls and most of the time I called up was not the best time to talk to . As they have also peculiar work schedule like me I had to call them after 11 at night or at the weekends. But either I could find that he was travelling or he had gone out for a movie and the time was not just appropriate.
After some time the patience and the conscious effort to maintain the distant friendship gone away.

Everyone has their different agenda. Most of the time, if you're feeling unappreciated by a friend, over and over, it's time to let them go and move on.
Now I think it's normal - moving to the distant place causes that relationship becomes weaker. The solution is to make conscious effort to maintain it. But both sides should do it, but sometimes one of them doesn't do it (for many valid reasons of course). So then, if this relationship is important to you, you have to take action.

it may just be the old adage "Out of sight, out of mind," proving to be true. I personally find it very much to be true…although sad :(

Conflicting desires

Sometimes I rather feel wondered at my desires which are rather conflicting at the same time.
I might desire a piece of chocolate cake, but at the same time I desire that I didn't desire it. This capacity to reflect on our desires and to have "second-order" desires raises the issue of weakness of will .
Today there is a lot of work to do .Two new developments have been assigned, One object needs to be tested, and 10 calls need to be solved.
Although I have resolved all of the 10 calls today , but still a lot is pending to do. But my  1st order desire is stopping me :D
1st order desire: I desire to put off work to relax and rest today. (I don't want to work today.)
2nd order desire: I desire not to desire relaxing now because I have work that I intended to do. (I wish I wasn't so procrastinator today.)
These conflicts in our desire is very common.
During the lunch time my 1st order desire always suggest me to order that dessert, but at the same time I desire not to desire that dessert … :D
Although both these are raised by us , but surely I believe that the 1st desire usually depicts our true self, that depicts our free will.
And what about the second conflicting one ??
It surely raised from the beliefs and ideas we have formed till the date , it is that “Super Ego” which is the perfectionist.

First day at college :)

Actually I started this writing to express my thoughts about my college life.I can still remember the first day at college. Almost all were the new faces..The all young enthusiastic although all seemed to be little bit afraid. That day we just had 1 class and remaining 7 hours was for ragging :)

suddenly and we are ready to be ragged. Here I want to say that I am not against ragging until it comes to physical harassment or until it cross the limit. Now again what is the limit is actually a relative matter.

We were sitting in the class room when seniors entered

That very day we came to know the term ‘GD’ and discovered that it means "Gano Dholai" :D

Seniors just rushed in the class and punched all the boys on their back one by one.

Ohh what a horrible experience was that. I can still remember one of my batch mate hiding himself in the girls side under the bench. :P.

And we have been given a dress code by seniors also that day:
The boys :
White Shirt , Black Pant with No belt else it will be strapped to neck like a dog and Hawaii Chappals .Moreover you cannot bring the school bag , you have to carry all the thing in a polythene pack.

And we girls were allowed to wear simplest salwar suit J although we were allowed to bring our bag.

We were given instructions not to visit canteen ever in the first year and to bring food from home. L

And we were also instructed to bow our head at 90 degrees whenever we see a senior and then wish them J

And then started the long journey of being ragged almost for 1 year. Although we the girls were not physically ragged or harassed like the boys.

We used to come to college by the college bus.

And the bus was packed with the seniors.

As the days passed the teachers and the anti raging committee got strict and they had no option left than using the bus journey time which took almost 1 hour.

The senior dadas used to ask to perform to do different things to perform. And the boys used to do it with the full energy :);)

Someone danced in that running bus (that was horrible of course), Proposed at least 3 girls on his knee .

Someone even proposed me although virtually (not in real life till now L ), I was even married to a boy virtually (He just got married some days back) and lot of things that were actually well-known for ragging.

Although that time the whole experience felt like a bad dream and little bit painful and sometimes humiliating too , but now when I look back on those days it really feels pleasurable.

And most wondrous thing is that the seniors who used to rag us those actually became the most interacted till now. Even now we are in contact with them and laugh all together on those days :)

Silly things with Cricket and cricket fans :)

Cricket fever , it has started once again :P

And why not it is World Cup yaar …:) and above all Mahendra Singh Dhoni's team is the strong favourite to win the coveted title after a gap of 28 years.

Yesterday was great for all the Indian cricket lovers as Australia was knocked out from the World Cup by India.

Yesterday was the unofficial holiday as the whole office was entirely empty during the match.

It was pretty normal but I felt little surprised when I found one of my friends online in orkut chat at the peak time of the ins-aussie match . I pinged him and enquired whether he was not watching the ongoing match and he replied with a frown face that he was not.

And guess the reason, he answered that whenever he just watches the match one then India surely loses .. ha ha ha :D

Now take the incident of one of my colleague who just sits behind me.

He is even unwilling to know the score ,until the match comes to an end and reason is the same here.

He described to me how he went to cafeteria and ordered his snacks and just looked at the big screen to know the current score and at the same moment Sehwag was knocked out. As per him whenever he tries to know the score the wickets of India fall down :P

How silly ???

Not only that , I believe some of my friends are aware that a radio station in New Delhi has asked its listeners to sit on the left side of the sofa when watching matches and to use milk to quench hunger/thirst and to avoid eating meat. Eating meat can have negative affects on the team's performance. Ha ha he he….

Uff I wish I could do the exact opposite things LOL

And what else ??

Shewag has stopped wearing his shirt which had numbers on it and Dhoni is wearing a shirt with the number 7,as his day of birth is 7th July.

Yuvraj is using a black thread which is believed to ward off evil spirits — on his wrist on advice from his mother.

BTW I think mummy jindabad , I hope u understood why….

Ohh God :D

Perception, is not it wonderful ??

This was a story read somewhere ,I really liked the whole idea about perception :)

So the story begins......

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The father of a very rich wealthy family takes his son to visit the slums of the country to show his son how the poor people lives actually.

They stayed there for a couple of days and nights and closely watched the poor people’s daily life.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the trip?'

'It was great, Dad.' Answered the boy.

'Did you see how poor people live, how they spend their life?' the father asked.

'Oh yeah,' replied the son.

'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.

The son answered:

'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'….. J

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

end if the story ...

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Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

Makes me wonder what would happen if we all make the habit of giving thanks for everything we have, for everything we possess instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends !

as life is too short and friends are too few ....

Procrastination

I've tried to keep a diary at various points in my life and never had the discipline to start the thing.

I wonder how much I adored the idea of keeping a journal or a diary .
It is like the window to your soul, Keeping a journal can be a way of giving your feelings a outlet. Diary is the place with whom you can share all the thoughts, all the fears, all the celebrations,all the joy , and all the secrets and most of all without the fear of judgement, without the fear of rejection, blame or without the need of justification.
 
I wonder if doing it on my computer will make it any easier. I spend enough hours with it before my eyes surfing almost all the day . so I think I should be able to find ten minutes or so now and then to "put pen to paper".

But alas every time the procrastination came in between and I thought better start from the next day or better start from the next week, not today, or better take rest today … :D

Now wondering how would it feel today if I could write all of my experiences through out my last 20 years.
How would it feel today when I would be reading the sad, joyful experiences till now ??
How would I laugh today on my silly tears of past and how would I cry out on that laughter of past ???
Really it makes me feel sick  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keeping Faith

When the circumstances lets you down, is there somebody who will keep faith?
When the destiny lets you down, is there somebody who will keep faith?


Whatever your personal circumstances right now, you can always move forward with your life if you will embrace the power of love to transform your situation.
Even the most difficult and most tragic of situations can be transformed.
You can begin to live your life, right now.
You can begin to enjoy your life right. Bring those in life that will bring about that transformation you seek.
You can make choices in the present that will profoundly affect your future.
Just keep faith :)
As depicted in out Hindu dharma ‘ Biswas e krishna mele’. .. :)


But the most important question arises , is it really that easy ? can we really keep faith ??
What about you ??

24/03/2011

The First one :)

Hello friends, This is my first BLOG entry.
Blog which actually comes from ‘WEB’ and ‘LOG’ seems to be very interesting and popular this days. Blogs seems more interesting as it gives chances to provide feedback to the readers. Thus blogs are interactive.
I really adore reading blogs and don’t leave a single blog unread published by my friends.
Some of my friends have asked me for years why I don’t start one. Frankly I believe I don’t have the skill to write and better not to write a messy unreadable chunk of lines.
But today just it came out of mind why not to write one as I have lot of time in hand and exactly nothing to do. So you can say that out of boredom I thought to write one just to kill some time :D

Today is 24th  March and all are away from their desk as well as from communicator. Guess why ?? as A most awaited game between India and Australia is going on. So all are in front of the idiot box and the whole office feels empty now.. Nobody is to talk.. and more over the server is down and no work to do … You will probably think why I am not there before the T.V and watching cricket ?? But sorry I am really not feeling like watching cricket and have a minimum interest for that….
So any ideas regarding how to kill your time in the day of scarcity of work and scarcity of people ? :D
Think over it and come out with good suggestion… :)


Sorry to all readers who read the blog and now cursing me for the wastage of their time :D


24-Mar-2011 -- Thursday